The Chronicles of Hetamythology
by Shouta Izukai
Summary: A very strange series of events that have absolutely no connection with each other introduce you to the cast ! I completely screwed with Greek mythology, but if you like crack and Hetalian (Greek) gods, you'll love this. Cast list is at the bottom. (Should I continue this?)


"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hermes, get me a hamburger! I'm hungry!" The blonde god shouted, crossing his arms to show he was impatient. The brunette yelped, nodding so hard his curl shook.

"Y-Yes sir!" The brunette ran off, another, almost identical god glaring at the blonde.

"Stop glaring _mi amigo_, Artemis. Who knows what he'll do." The Spanish god shivered slightly at the thought.

"_Callate,_ Apollo." Artemis grumbled, continuing to glare. The blonde didn't seem to notice.

"Brother, may we _please_ get back to our discussion?" The sea god muttered in a thick British accent. He rubbed his thick, fuzzy eyebrows in frustration.

"Da, Zeus, shall we?" The tall Russian god agreed, smiling creepily. The stench of death escalated in the room, swirling in an almost creepy aura.

"S-Sure, Hades…" Zeus replied. Of course, at that moment, the door to the throne room flew open. There stood a blonde Swiss god, anger oozing from him in a thick, ghastly aura. Hiding behind him was a goddess, looking similar to the other, looking very reluctant.

"HADES! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE PERSEPHONE ALONE!" The Swiss screeched, stomping into the room. Persephone hesitated in the doorway, shifting from one foot to the other.

"What are you talking about, Demeter? I did not do anything to her, da?" Hades looked at Persephone as he asked this, the goddess giving no response. Demeter was just about to burst out another threat when Dionysus interrupted.

"Hey, hey! You should relax! Have a party or some beer, ja? Arguing is totally not awesome." The albino god thrust out his beer as he said this, chugging it down after he finished. A satyr quickly brought him some more.

* * *

"Hephaestus, what did you want to show me?" The slightly short god picked up the panda into his arms, his long dark hair draped over his shoulder.

"Have you not been to my new city yet? I call it, 'Chinatown'." He replied proudly to the god of love. "There's even a zoo! My latest find includes the mysterious freak of nature, the giraffe!"

"Ohonhonhonhon! That sounds wonderful, mon ami! Although, all your new cities have been named, 'Chinatown'." Aphrodite muttered the last part to himself, looking at the new city before him. …The one that looked just like the 10 million others.

"What's wrong? Do you not like it?" The Chinese god asked, looking slightly crestfallen.

"Non, non! Of course I do! Can you show me that giraffe?" The French god answered, perhaps a bit too quickly, and his request received a happy response as he was dragged inside.

* * *

"SAVE ME ARES!" Hades cried, rushing into the home.

"What? Why?" The other asked, still in the middle of his beer. Behind the Russian god was the front door, which was bolted and locked several times, with a variety of chairs and tables and other knick-knacks stacked in front of it. "…What did you do to my stuff?"

The taller god didn't answer, instead running into the bathroom and locking himself in. "H-Hey!" Ares got up to drag the other out, only to be stopped by the sound of nails scratching against the door.

"Hades, come out~! I know you're in there, Hades! It's me, Hera~! Come out so we can get married and become one!" The muttered curses continued in such a form, only stopping about 30 minutes later. Both gods inside were just about to let out a sigh of relief that she was finally gone, when the scratching that had stopped a moment before was replaced by the sound of splitting wood and terrifying laughs.

"Stop trying to tear my door down!" Ares shouted in a moment of anger, regretting it not a moment later.

"Ares? Is that you? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HUSBAND! LET HIM OUT, DAMN YOU!"

A Russian-accented voice came wailing from the bathroom, adding to the frustration on Ares. "SAVE MEEEE….."

Finally, as Ares often will, he burst. "ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP! AND HADES, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Hermes watched in fascination and curiosity as a nearby area burst into explosions and flying weapons. He was pretty sure that was Ares' house…

* * *

"I wonder what's on the news…" The Japanese god murmured, flipping through the channels.

"Hello everyone, I'm Hebe, goddess of youth and today's host!" A rather beautiful Hungarian woman greeted cheerfully on the screen. "Today, we'll be talking about some of our favorite gods and goddesses!"

Athena raised an eyebrow, and turned the volume up. "First up, we have a small group that call themselves the Bad Touch Trio!" A French blonde with a rather… disturbing face, a Spaniard with a few tomatoes, and an albino with a beer were posing in the picture. The raven-haired god recognized them immediately. "From left to right is Aphrodite, the god of love; Apollo, god of the sun, poetry, etcetera, etcetera; and Dionysus, god of wine (and beer) and parties!"

Was it just him, or did Athena see Hebes glaring as she distastefully introduced Dionysus? …And was that Artemis glaring at Apollo in the background? Not to mention Poseidon, who was doing the same towards Aphrodite.

"Next up, we have another trio, known as the Axis!" Looks like Athena was going to be on TV. "This here is Ares, god of war, next to him Hermes, our wonderful messenger, and Athena, the god of wisdom!"

Athena immediately shuts off the TV, getting up and walking away towards his library. "She did not show that picture… She did not show that picture… She did not show that picture…"

* * *

"Hey, Poseidon!" The mentioned god sighed as the other walked up to him confidently.

"What do you want, Triton?"

"Bow down to me! I am the new God of the Oceans!" Triton laughed, hands on his hips as he acted all high and mighty. No one, of course, paid any mind. No one, except the British god being spoken to.

"Triton, you are hardly a god. You're small, and still young. Please stop this nonsense at once." Poseidon muttered, rubbing his eyebrows again. That always seemed to calm him down for some reason. They were, after all, very soft.

"No, I'm not! I'm an Olympian! I'm one of the big gods!" The other protested, glaring up at the bigger (and obviously more powerful) god.

"You are Triton. And Triton is not an Olympian, alright? Please, accept it already."

"NEVER!"

And that's how the god Triton was sent home covered in seaweed.

* * *

"Um… Hello, I'm still here!"

**[Who are you?]**

"I'm Hestia!"

* * *

**Hi everyone! Just a random oneshot that i wrote for a contest on DA. Felt like I had to post it on here. By the way, if they're OOC it's all well. That was partially the point.  
Cast list:**

**-Zeus - America  
-Hades - Russia  
-Poseidon - England  
-Aphrodite - France  
-Hermes - Italy  
-Ares - Germany  
-Athena - Japan  
-Hephaestus - China  
-Dionysus - Prussia  
-Artemis - Romano  
-Apollo - Spain  
-Hera - Belarus  
-Demeter - Switzerland  
-Persephone - Liechtenstein  
-Triton - Sealand  
-Hebe - Hungary  
-Hestia - Canada**


End file.
